Failure to Thrive

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Posts tagged with "xojane"

Jun 22

50 MISTAKES EVERY WOMAN SHOULD MAKE - XOJANE


I’m obviously marking all the ones I’ve done.


1. Fuck up your bangs.

2. Reply all accidentally.

3. Get stuck without an opener and have to break into a bottle of wine.

4. Have sex for money  (or just a really expensive dinner).

5. Do a weird crash diet.

6. Married man.

 7. Date someone like your dad, especially if you have daddy issues.

8. Default on a credit card, and then fess up.

9. Move somewhere where you don’t know anyone but the boy you’re dating, under the dreamy, misguided idea that “all you need is love.”

10. Help someone cheat on their girlfriend.

11. Fail to pay your rent* because it comes out a whole 10 days after you get paid, and you’ve normally spent your money by then.

12. Think that if your significant other is unfaithful/a drug addict/married to someone else/not as nice as your friend’s boyfriends that’s ok, because he always comes back to you in the end.

13. When a bouncer won’t let you in to a bar because it’s too full/you’re too drunk, slur ‘big mistake, huuuuge mistake, do you know how much money I would have spent in here?’ Julia Roberts stylee.

14. Eat so much you throw up.

 15. Cut all your hair off a week before you go to college.

 16. Somebody too young

17. Somebody too old

18. Somebody who doesn’t know s/he’s gay yet

19. The bass player (ugh)

20. The wrong twin

21. Date a co-worker.
 
22. Be financially irresponsible.
 23. Move across the country with $1,000 in your pocket and no job.
 
24. Quit your day job, especially if someone has snarkily told you, in reference to your creative pursuits, “Don’t quit your day job!”  
 
25. Neglect servicing your car when it needs servicing.
 
26. Get your first tattoo at 60.
 
27. Have unprotected sex.
 
28. Call into work sick when you’re hungover.
 
29. Get so drunk that you vomit up that 2 a.m. slice of pizza.
 
30. Cry at work.
 
31. Date a nice guy.
 
32. Carry on a vague sexual relationship with a friend which you know is going nowhere but is fraught with tension and tears.
 
33. Scream at someone who does something really fucked up to you.
 
34. Fall down in public and cry.
 
35. Find your new housemates on Craigslist.

36. Drunkenly confess your love for a friend with benefits.

 37. Instead of Going Out and Living Life, spend 16 hours weeping in the dark over Downton Abbey (OR GIRLS, RIGHT?)
 
38. Have very, very bad sex with an 18 year old Irish man.
 
39. Get naked in public.
 
40. Get fingered by a hot stranger in a bar.

41. Get super-obsessed with a guy you don’t even like, just because he doesn’t like you.

42. Be the crazy ex.
 
43. Skip moisturizer.
 
44. Talk shit about someone and get busted.
 
45. Overshare to an acquaintance.
 
46. Don’t open your mail for like a year.
 
47. Be super-jealous of your friends’ success.
 
48. Go out in clothes that are stained/wrinkled/unraveling. 
 
49. Play dumb.
 
50. Let someone take naked pictures of you.

Posted 11 months ago

7 notes

xojane, i'm living the dream, women, mistakes, fun,