Failure to Thrive

50 MISTAKES EVERY WOMAN SHOULD MAKE - XOJANE

I’m obviously marking all the ones I’ve done.

1. Fuck up your bangs.

2. Reply all accidentally.

3. Get stuck without an opener and have to break into a bottle of wine.

4. Have sex for money  (or just a really expensive dinner).

5. Do a weird crash diet.

6. Married man.

 7. Date someone like your dad, especially if you have daddy issues.

8. Default on a credit card, and then fess up.

9. Move somewhere where you don’t know anyone but the boy you’re dating, under the dreamy, misguided idea that “all you need is love.”

10. Help someone cheat on their girlfriend.

11. Fail to pay your rent* because it comes out a whole 10 days after you get paid, and you’ve normally spent your money by then.

12. Think that if your significant other is unfaithful/a drug addict/married to someone else/not as nice as your friend’s boyfriends that’s ok, because he always comes back to you in the end.

13. When a bouncer won’t let you in to a bar because it’s too full/you’re too drunk, slur ‘big mistake, huuuuge mistake, do you know how much money I would have spent in here?’ Julia Roberts stylee.

14. Eat so much you throw up.

 15. Cut all your hair off a week before you go to college.

 16. Somebody too young

17. Somebody too old

18. Somebody who doesn’t know s/he’s gay yet

19. The bass player (ugh)

20. The wrong twin

41. Get super-obsessed with a guy you don’t even like, just because he doesn’t like you.